Fort Alice
by LethalxLilly
Summary: Alice finally went off the deep end, too. She's gone a bit far though as she builds a fortress in the basement of their Tokyo vacation home. This means one thing; Fort Alice has been born. Rated: A-Z, for lots of evil plotting.
1. Fort Alice is born

**This is the begining. Its not going to be funny cause it's the opening. But it will get funny in chapter 2 and up. Bella is a vampire. And the thing with Emmett's car will be a chapter in here somewhere. :) So read Vampire IM.  
:) **

**Chapter one: Alice Builds A Fort.**

I was so bored. Man, I get to bored now a days.  
That's when I got my idea: I'm going to built a fort. Out of cardboard, so Emmett will not bug me.  
It was going to be genious!!

"BELLA!" I screamed.

"Yeah?" She said walking in.

"Let's built a fort."

"Ok!" She said.

"Out of cardboard, of course."

"Repel's Emmett, eh?" She said grinning.

"Duh."

"Let's get Jasper and Edward in here to help" She said, looking around the HUGE empty basement.

"I hope Esme doesn't mind us using the basement as base" I said.

"Yeah." Bella grinned.

"EDWARD! JASPER!" I screamed.

They appeared.

"What?" Jasper asked.

"OK!" Edward said, grinning.

"What?" Said Jasper.

"We're building a HUGE cardboard fort." I said.

"Sweet!" He said.

"Now, let's get some cardboard and start building!" I said.

--1 hour later.

"It's... it's... IT'S FINISHED!" I screamed.

"We should put our laptops in there. Along with all that furniture and the Flat screen." Bella said.

"Yes!" I screamed.

"Whatcha guys doin in here all toghet- AH! CARDBOARD! IT BURNS!" Emmett screamed, running back up the basement stairs.

"It works!" We all shouted.

"Now lets complete it!" Jasper said.

"How? It's already perfect" Edward said, "Anything that repels Emmett works fine"

"Not really," Jasper said.

He took a pink sock and a stick and some super glue.

"Wow Jasper" I said.

He smiled.

"What?" Bella asked.

Jasper glued the sock to the stick and the stick to the box. And took a marker and wrote "Fort Alice" on the sock.

"Oh! GENIOUS!" Bella said.

"Now, let's get scheming" I said, grinning evily.

We all ran into Fort Alice.

**Yeah. That's how it starts. :) Next chapter up in a few. It's going to get funny.**


	2. Emmett's car

**To understand this chapter you have to read Vampire IM. One of my other silly stories. This is the plot on Emmett's car. :) Enjoy!**

Third Person

"LOOK!" Jasper screamed.

"OHMYGOD! IT'S THE SIGN!!" Bella shouted.

"TO FORT ALICE!" Edward screamed.

"AND AWAY!" Jasper shouted.

* * *

"There you are!" I said, annoyed. Gosh, how did they miss the Sign? **A/N you know how like, theres the batman sign and that? And it flashes in the sky? Yeah thats like Alice's just you turn on a light and it shines. :P Creative huh?**

"Well maybe if someone would just call us instead of running into the room, turning on the lamp, running out and expecting us to see the Sign..." Koda said.

"Ok shut up! Let's plot Emmett's cars destruction!" I said.

"MUAHAHAHAHA!"

"Shut up Bella" I said.

"Ok!"

Shes so slow. Anyways!

"Well... We need to plan this out!!"

"Obviously almighty smart one" Edward said, rolling his eyes.

"HEY! I can find an Edward repellent and kick you out too!" I said.

"Right" He said.

"Well anyways! We must pick repulsive colors!" I said.

"How about the color of puke?" Koda said.

"Yeah! And ugly brown" Bella said.

"And an ugly repulsive pink!" Edward said.

Notice who EDWARD picks pink. He's soo not manly.

"Yeah. Those but we need more." I said.

"Diarrhea green!" Bella said, "Man I had that before I became a vampire"

"Side-effects" Jasper told her.

"Brilliant!" I screamed. Que evil laughter.

"Let's go get some paint then!" Bella said.

"We can't just get paint! We can't just walk out that door over there and GET PAINT!" I said angerly.

"Um, yeah we can"

"We need to wait till Emmett's gone!"

"He is" She said.

"Oh... Right-o!! TO THE STORE!" I said, then added, "In Edward's car!"

"No! Bella's" He said.

"Alice's!" She said.

"SHOPPING CART!" Koda screamed.

"Yeah let's have another episode of 'tie carts to Alice's car' that's soo brilliant" Edward said.

"Well then what?" I asked.

"Edward's car! MUAHAHAH!" Bella screamed.

"Fine! But if anything happens I swear! I wouldn't care if KODA wasn't in the car..." He said.

"Whats the worst I can possibly do?" Koda said, grinning.

"Everything" He muttered.

--1 hour and a painted dirt and cardboard covered car with duckie insides later.

"I still can't believe she destroyed my car!" Edward shouted.

"Shut up! Only I can yell in my fort." Power is fun.

Then it came... The yell.

"OHMYGOD!? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CAR!? CARDBOARD! RUN!!" Emmett screamed.

"Man hes slow." I said.

Then he ran into the room, but stopped at the forts cardboard door, "WHAT DID YOU FIVE DO!?"

"Nothing" We called.

"Then why is my car!?"

"You're imagining it!" I said, crawling through the window.

I stood up, and brushed myself off.

"But, but, but?" He said.

"Yeah Emmett, you're imagining it" Edward and Bella said coming through the door.

"Yeah right! We SOOO did it!" Koda called coming outside.

"WHAT!?" He screamed.

"SHIT! RUN! INTO FORT ALICE!" I screamed. Emmett was pissed.

We all made it inside, barely alive.

"YOU WILL PAY!" He screamed.

"Nahh we don't have to come out" We said.

"YOU WILL SOMETIME! You have to eat!" He screamed.

"We can have Esme bring us food." Koda said.

"YOU'RE ALL TOAST!" He screamed.

"You think that Emmett. You think that" I said.

**Yeah I'm going to write this how I write the crazy cullen story. I don't like writing this way. :) So yeah don't ask me about the change**


	3. Teasing Emmett

**Yeah I lied, I'm writing this in note form or something.**

_Bella_ **Koda **Edward Alice **_Jasper_**

**So why are we passing notes?**

**_So Emmett can't listen at the fort's door like hes doing right now_**

_I suggest that Alice closes the blinds of ze fort._

Le sigh! I must do everything around here.

_Well it is YOUR fort. _

Yeah, fort ALICE

Shut up Edward.

I'm not even talking, I'm WRITING.

Well then stop writing.

**: / I'm bored we should IM instead. It's faster than passing this note.**

_Can't Emmett sign on?_

Well we could put a password on our chat.

**_Thats a good idea. What should it be?_**

Alicethealmighty

Ahaha no.

**How about, FortAlice its so easy he'll never think of it.**

True he IS pretty stupid

**:) I rest my case!**

_TO THE INTERNET!_

--

-Alice signs on-  
-Bella signs on-  
-Edward signs on-  
-Jasper signs on-  
-Koda signs on-  
Koda-Eh, I wanna pass notes now.  
Alice-Makeupyourmind!  
Koda-Give me eyeliner then! And I shall prettify my brain :)  
Edward-Wow.  
Jasper-You might poke your brain!  
Koda-Who ever said I had one?  
Jasper-Righttt  
Bella-Yeah I liked passing notes. :)  
Koda-Yeah! Bella and I will pass notes then!  
Alice-K! You can always join our chat again if you want!  
Jasper-Don't come back.  
Edward-Tards. :P  
-Koda signs off-  
Bella-I resent that.  
-Bella signs off-

On the page of notes... **_Bella _Koda**

**Well now we have our notes :)**

**_Yeah so whatcha doing tonight? I've noticed your dissaperance lately._**

**Ah nothing. I've just been out prowling the streets of tokyo.**

**_Yeah, I kinda resent moving here for summer. It's like sunny._**

**Well I like to prowl the streets. :) I just wish HE was here.**

**_Hm yeah. I like this fort. Theres no stupid invading Emmett_**

**Yeah.**

Meanwhile...

Emmett.

UGH! How do I get in THERE? I mean, its like a fortress! **A/N I think thats funny. It IS a fortress. Just fort for short :) Amazing how dumb I make him seem, huh? **Theres no way in without touching cardboard! Man, theyve got me beat! Wait, I hear clicking! Maybe theyre on aim!

-Emmett signs in-  
_To join this chat, please enter password:  
_DAMN THEM!

--

Alice-I think we should have a party inside Fort Alice!  
Jasper-Yeah!  
Edward-Ya know, why did you put a pink sock on the fort?  
Jasper-It's pink for Alice. And its our FLAG.  
Alice-:D Awuhhh Iloveyou.  
Jasper- :) ily2.  
Edward-I love myself! :)  
Alice-Wow.  
Jasper-We should tease Emmett.  
Alice-Cool.  
Edward-Open and close the blinds, and we'll (me and Jazz) dance and he'll think we're partying but he wont be alble to tell cause the blinds will be flashing open and closed. :)  
Jasper-And then after a minute, a "teaparty" You know he loves those!  
Alice-I'm on the blinds!

--

**Man! Wonder what Alice and them are planning**

**_Yeah. Shes playing with the blinds._**

**And Edward and Jazz are... dancing?**

**_Prolly trying to make him think we're partying :)_**

**Yeah I bet.**

**_Lol. Yeah we should go kick it this weekend and SHOP. Without Alice of course_**

I read that

**_-sticks tongue out-_**

**:) Shes wierd. Lol. But we should!**

--

Aw man! It looks like theyre partying in there! Look at them dance! Man I'm missing it all! So not fair!

WHAT!? Now theres a teaparty!? Man this SUCKS! They HAVE to let me in!! So not fair.

--

Alice-:) Hes mad  
Edward-You should hear his thoughts.  
Jasper-Or feel his saddness. It's quite funny.  
Edward-Yeah :) I think we should just kick it now and torment him later.  
Alice-Yeah, we can like change his batman wallpaper to ducks or something.  
Jasper-Totally.

**Omg! I like how I'm writing this story. Think I should keep writing like this? With notes, IM talking and Emmett's thoughts? I like writing this way. Makes it totally kick! :D Ok leave me reviews. I'm a review whore xD :)**

**And maybe ideas?**

**I think whenever I hit the last chapter it will be "Fortress Breached" Meaning Emmett gets in.  
:) Next chapt. soon.**


	4. Remodling!

**:) I like writing this. But I don't know when I'll be updating. My dad thinks I should leave the computer alone for a few days. Cause I'm always on. :)**

--In Fort Alice

**Koda** **_Bella _**Edward Alice _Jasper_

**So what we doing today?**

**_Who knows! _**

_Maybe our evil evil little leader? Alice?_

Idk! We should torment Emmie. :) 

**_But didn't we already do that?_**

Yeah. He hasn't even TOUCHED his car yet. Hes thinking off having Esme clean it. You know how she is.

_God you write a lot._

Beats waiting for the paper. Might get it all down in one thought.

Whatever. Let's have a party!! :)

**_Nah._**

**I'm parcial to that thought, but no.**

**_:) How about we turn this place into the batcave?_**

**Alice style!**

_Sounds brilliant! :D_

**_We know, we know!_**

:D Then take pictures and slide them out the window. :D And Emmie will cry!! MUAHAHA

We can't cry.

**But it's funny watching him TRY**

**_Yeah deff._**

_TO THE INTERNET!!_

**_For stuff!_**

-Jasper signs on-  
-Alice signs on-  
-Bella signs on-  
-Koda signs on-  
-Edward signs on-  
Alice-Ok I say we split into teams. And each team has to do certain stuff to decorate.  
Bella-Sounds easy.  
Koda-Not really! We have to DECK THIS PLACE OUT.  
Jasper-Fo sho!  
Edward-Only, I can be gangsta Jasper, only I.  
Jasper- -Sticks tongue out-  
Alice-Ok Koda and Bella, since your such great friends, you can do the painting and the wall paper and carpeting.  
Koda-Deal.  
Bella- :) Cool.  
Alice-Eddie and Jazz -Jazz hands- Will do furniture and I will supervise!  
Jasper-Thats not fair that we have to do it all and you do nothing!  
Edward-Who cares, we can take credit.  
Alice-It is fort ALICE. I own it.  
Bella-Shes right.  
Koda-BELLA! TO THE PAPER!!  
Bella-WITH PENS!  
Koda-AND AWAY!  
-Koda signs off-  
-Bella signs off-  
Jasper-To the internet sites!  
Edward-AND AWAY!  
-Edward signs off-  
-Jasper signs off-  
Alice-TO THE BEACH!  
Alice-AND AWAY!  
-Alice signs off-

--Paper

**Koda _Bella _**Alice

**So we have to paint and stuff.  
****_I say we do navy blue and black paint :D  
_And black carpet. :)  
****_And pimpin wall paper.  
Its gotta PWN Emmett's.  
_Well duh!  
****_Muahaha :)  
_I say we put the batman symbol all over the walls and on the front of the door too! :)  
****_And as a surpirse, we should instal a doorbell and when it rings it does the "Nananana" thing, then screams, "BATMAN!" :)  
_o0o0o Totally!  
_Yeah it'll be pimpin  
_**What is this? Pimp my fort?  
**_Yeah  
_Yep  
**Ok :) Have fun! TO THE BEACH!  
**Anyways.  
_Yeah. Oh they should make a show.  
_Nah. Who else has a fort this kick ass?  
_Yeah really. :)  
_TO THE STORE NOW! AND AWAY!**

Koda and Bella make a mad dash from the fort, upstairs and into a car before Emmett can even realize what happened.

--Jazz and Edd.  
"Well this looks expensive!" Jasper said, looking at the couch covered in batman symbols.  
"Yeah, totally. A whole 1000 Dollars." I said rolling my eyes.  
"Let's get it!" Jasper smiled evily.  
"Yeah and let's get posters too" More sarcasim.  
"Nah, thats in Bella and Koda's region. We're furniture and stuff" He was now eyeing a coffee table that had the words "Batman" Writin in the middle.  
"Just get whatever pleases you. My only plan is to upset Emmett" I grinned.  
"Yeah. I say we get this table along with the couch." He pointed to the table he was eyeing.  
"Sure. And what about that chair?" It was Black, Dark Navy Blue, and had the batman symbol in the middle.  
"Yeah. And we should get a tv with the sign on it or something" He looked excited.  
"Sure sure."  
"Maybe we should get some of the comics too"  
"No just raid Emmett's room and take his"  
"Yeah. That'd be easier" He agreed.  
"What else?"  
"Well we only have a chair, couch, tv, and posters" He frowned, "we need more"  
"How much?"  
"A lot." He looked at the screen, "This place has to be decked out. We have a lot of stuff here."  
"Let's get Alice a batman laptop then" I said. She'd love that. She basically was batman sometimes.  
"I wouldn't be suprised if she paints her car..." Jasper said.  
"To late" I looked towards where the garage was, "Shes here... with a NEW car. Hm she didn't paint it. She just bought a Bat Mobile."  
"Weirdo" He muttered.  
"Wow Jasper, you can pick them." I said, laughing.  
--

Bella and Koda... Store time.

"Ok, so we've got the paint, wall paper, and the carpet" Koda said.  
"Well I say that we get curtains and posters too" I said.  
"Totally!" We grabbed the cart with the paint and wall paper and RAN to the curtains.  
"Ha! They have it!" She said, "What size are the windows in Fort Alice?"  
"Idk!" I said.  
"Call Edward" She said.  
"Yeah" I agreed and flipped out my phone.  
"Hello?" He said.  
"Hey we're getting curtains, what are the window measurements?" I asked.  
He told me and I told Koda who grabbed them.  
"Ok thanks Edward." I said.  
"No problem. Bye" He hung up.  
"Ok let's get posters now!" I told her.  
"Alright."  
We bought the stuff, packed the car and went to the next store.

Alice.

HAHAHAH! I got it! The Bat Mobile recreation!! MUAHAHAHA!  
I wonder how everyones doing.  
I closed my eyes and focused.  
Edward and Jasper were fighting about getting bean bag chairs and playstations.  
And Bella and Koda were attacking the Bat Man isle at Toys R Us.  
Good.

--  
Bella and Koda.  
"MUAHAHA!" She laughed evily.  
I slapped her, "Shut up Koda, you're scaring the little kids"  
"Who cares?" She said as she grabbed the posters and other stuff.  
"Um their parents and the people who work here..." I told her.  
"Man our place is gonna rock!" She said.  
"Until we do the next remodle."  
"Yeah. We should do Harry Potter next!" She blabbered on about him.  
"That's lovely. We have the stuff right?" I looked into the cart.  
"Yep, let's roll Robin."  
"Um" I said.  
"You shall address me as.. BATMAN!" She said, stricking a pose.  
"I'd say, BatWoman but knowing you, you're gender confused again"  
She stuck out her tongue and went to checkout.  
The lady stared at us as we unloaded the stuff. She rang it up and the total was around 600 dollars.  
"Let's roll Robin! TO THE BELLA MOBILE!" She screamed, running with the cart then jumping in as it sped towards my car... and missed by inches.  
"You're so lucky that the cart didn't hit" I hissed at her.  
"It wouldn't have. I've got mad skillz" She said as if she was positive.  
"Right"

--  
Jazz and Edd.  
"Ok so we've got the chair, couch, laptop, table, phones, stickers, tv, and all that other junk." I said.  
"Yep." Jasper grinned.  
"And it's all on hold in the stores?"  
"Yep"  
"Then let's go"  
"We're going to need like... a moving van or something to get all that stuff." He said.  
"Dude, theyre bringing it to us. We have to go there and sign the crap first though" I told him. Does he not read the instructions?  
"Oh... Right-o! To the Eddie Mobile?"  
"Edward" I said, sighing.  
"EDWARD MOBILE!" He screamed, running out of the Fort. I followed.  
And Emmett didn't even notice.  
--In the store.  
"So just sign here and we'll bring you the stuff" The girl said. _Ohmygod, they're hot! I hope one of them is single... Hm. I'd prefer the blonde... he's very cute... But so is the bronze haired one... Hm. Why not both?  
_She smiled sweetly at us (trying to charm no doubt) and handed over the clip board.  
We quickly scribbled our names.  
She looked at them and said, "Ok we'll have it there in a bit" _Ohmy! They have very good handwriting! I wish I could write like that! I'd be so happy... Maybe I'll try to write like-  
_I tuned her out. She was annoying  
"You can just follow us to the house" Jasper said, charming her.  
"Oh... Ok" She smiled and blushed. _Ohmygod! Maybe he means something else... Oh I wouldn't mind! Theyre both very hot... Hm... Wonder if theyre the only ones home... I could have a little fun-  
_I felt like I was going to puke.  
I nudged Jasper. And he grinned at me.  
_It's faster _He thought.  
I shook my head at him and smiled.  
"Ok!" She said returning, "In about 20 minutes they should have the trucks loaded and we'll follow you"  
"Thank you" I said, smiling.  
She fainted.

**Ok next chapter soon. :) Fort Alice-Make Over**


	5. Whoa

"So now that we've finished decorating and everything... I say we torment Emmett!" I said.  
"Alice, you torment him everyday. And plus, I broke the camera by sitting on it accidently" Koda said.  
"Well I have my own! DUHH" I said, pulling out my digital camera.  
--10 minutes later.  
Emmett.

WHAT!? They turned the fort into the bat cave!! NO!!  
I have to get in there... NOW!! Maybe they're on AIM.  
-Emmett signs on-  
To Join This Chat Please Enter Password:  
FRIZZ! Gosh dang them.

--  
Koda-I think Emmie's dumb :)  
Bella-Who doesn't?  
Edward-He wants in.  
Alice-LET HIM TRY!!  
Koda-YEAH!  
Jasper-He can't touch cardboard or anything.  
Edward-Yeah he had Esme clean AND paint his car.  
Alice-I was laughing at him.  
Bella-I like writing on paper! :D AIM is kinda gay.  
Koda-Yeah I know.  
Bella- -Nudge-  
Koda- -Wink-  
-Koda signs off-  
-Bella signs off-  
Edward-Well that was wierd.  
Jasper-Theyre up to something.  
Alice-Nah. Theyre just girls.  
Edward-And you arn't.  
Alice-Maybe...  
-Alice signs off-  
Jasper-And to think I married her.  
Edward-To think I married Bella.  
Jasper-Girls.  
Edward-Girls.

--

**Koda _Bella _**_Alice  
__**MUAHAHAH! So what are we up to?  
**Evil and the such :)  
_**Bacon! :D  
****_What?  
_Nvm :) So what evil is we up to today?  
**_Well I think we're having a party in here. :)  
**PARTY!  
**_**Raise the roof?  
**_Yep :)  
**I say we have like everyone come.  
**_**Problem: We're in Tokyo, Everyones in Forks.  
**_WE'll get them plane tickets :D We're rich remember?  
_**Oh yeah! :)  
****_WOO!! Let's invite like everyone.  
_Cept Emmie. :D  
_yeah yeah!  
_**_Well I also say we get Edward stuck in something so he doesn't spoil our fun.  
**Wellllll we could lock him in the closest! :D  
**_**Yeah! That'll work :)  
**_Fo sho. :) He'll never see it coming.  
__**Just tell him Dora's in there.  
**He always has loved dora. Even after we burned all his stuff and buryed it.  
_**I feel like I'm missing something...  
**_**:)  
**:)_

--  
Jasper-They're up to something, look at their faces.  
Edward-Oh I know.  
Jasper-What are they thinking??  
Edward-Idk. They're blocking it all.  
-Crazybouthim signs on-  
Crazybouthim-HEYHEY!  
Jasper-How did you get through the passworD!?  
Crazybouthim-I have ways ;D I can't stay away from my man, Edward!  
Edward-I'm not your "man" I married Bella  
Jasper-And I married Alice.  
Crazybouthim- D:  
Jasper-Don't you a date with Mike or something?  
Crazybouthim-Nah, I hit him over the head with a shovel. He died.  
Jasper-...  
Edward-...  
-Edward signs off-  
-Jasper signs off-  
Crazybouthim-Guess some people can't handle the truth!  
-Crazybouthim signs off-

**Koda _Bella _**_Alice _Edward Jazz.  
Whats going on? You guys are up to something.  
_So??  
**It's just a party Jazz.  
**_**Yeah leave your pants on this time though. Not that I didn't mind ;)  
_Well I didn't need to see any of that.  
_**_I did.  
_Shut up.  
A party? Dude everyones in FORKS. We're in Tokyo.  
_We're buying plane tickets for everyone smarty!  
_**_yeah!  
_**Who do you mean by "Everyone?"  
_Oh ya know, the crew :) Jess, the shy girl, Lauren, that one chick, mike, eric, yadda yadda.  
_Please no Jessica. Shes like in love with me and Edward.  
**AHAHAA Who would love you?  
**-Glares-  
_Eh hem.  
_**Oh you were serious?  
****_Ahaha you got punched!  
_Ahaah so did you.  
****_Bitch.  
_I read that.  
_-Sticks tongue out-  
_**Stop it you two. And we're are we having the party? And WHY?  
_In here of course! And we're having it cause we're bored! DUH.  
_**:PPPPP  
**Whatever.  
_Now... For the tickets... Koda... Carlisle... -Evil grin-  
_**Why do I have to help?  
**_Cause you can CONTROL. No way he'll agree unless you do it :)  
_**Roger that.  
**I swear if we get into trouble.  
**_Chillax Eddie, we'll be FINE.  
_**Unless we wind up in the back of a cop car like LAST time.  
_That was your fault. You took of your pants in front of the cop.  
_HEY! It wasn't my fault Emmett started handing out beer. You know what happens.  
_Right._

**Next time:  
Eric:DAMN BELLA! YOU GOT HOT!  
Edward: -Hits over the head with metal chair-**


	6. Gettin ready with spagetti!

**Bored. And I keep telling everyone! I LIKE REVIEWS!! :D So leave them.**

Alice-So now that we sent everyone tickets...  
Jasper-Cept Jess...  
Bella-No she got one too.  
Jasper-NO!!  
-Jasper signs off-  
Edward-What a retard.  
Koda-Can't handle the lies.  
Bella-HIGH FIVE!! WOO!  
Koda-Um we're on the INTERNET  
Bella-But you're sitting NEXT to me.  
Koda-RIGHT! HIGH FIVE!  
Edward-Wow.  
Alice-ANYWAYS.  
Alice-Everyones getting the ticket to fly here. :) And they shall be here! And we shall party!  
Bella-What if they break out stuff?  
Koda-Or take our stuff?  
Alice-THEN WE KILL THEM!  
Edward-Right, cause that's the ONLY choice.  
Alice-Shut up.  
Edward-I can't we're over the internet.  
Alice-Then stop typing.  
Edward- -Sticks tongue out-  
Bella-OH NO HE DIDN'T!  
Koda-OH YES HE DID!  
Bella-TAKE COVER! TO THE ESCAPE FLAP OUT THE BACK!  
Koda-RUN!  
-Bella signs off-  
-Koda signs off-  
**A/N I love how they do everything together like BFF's :) they're perfect! :D**

**Koda _Bella  
So now that we have escaped...  
_Out the flap in the back...  
_We should do stuff.  
_Like?  
_Idk, shop.  
_Like Alice will let us?  
_Yeah shes got a party to plan.  
__Not anymore!! MUAHAHAHA! So where we going?  
Wern't you online?  
Saw you shoppin with out me! I'm hurt.  
_Meh, who cares.  
_She does.  
yeah!  
_Go plan your party!  
_FINE!  
Smooth Ace. Smooth.  
_It was smoother than smooth, it was ICE smooth.  
_UM? No comment...  
_:) Let's shop.  
**

--Online

Alice-I say we deck this place out!  
Edward-We just did! Yesterday.  
Jasper-Yeah we re-did this whol place batman style.  
Alice-Yeha well now it's gotta be PARTAY style :)  
Edward-Joy.  
Alice-Zip it.  
Jasper-I'm not doing anything. We just decked the place out. If you want it done do it yourslef.  
Alice-Fine, but your not staying in my room anymore. And no more kissing, and or touching me. At all.  
Jasper-BUT!  
Alice-None.  
Jasper-Fine I'll help.  
Edward-Shes got you on a leash man.a  
Jasper-Shut up.  
Edward-And a very SHORT one at that.  
Alice- :) Yeah. I do.  
Jasper-: /Why me?  
Alice-Cause you're lovely! :D  
Jasper-Right.  
Edward-See ya!  
-Edward signs off-  
Alice-Well we're alone!  
Jasper-:D  
Alice-We should do something!  
Jasper-Like?  
Alice-Well you know!  
Jasper-No I don't! Tell me ;D  
Alice-We should start decorating!  
Jasper- D: AWUHH!!  
Alice-What?  
Jasper-Nothing.  
-Jasper signs off-  
-Alice signs off-  
--

"Hey lover boy!" I called.  
"Shut up Edward" Jasper muttered as he walked by, getting ready to get decorations for the party no doubt.  
"BYE EDDIE! GAURD THE FORT WHILE WE'RE GONE!" Alice screamed.  
"Whatever." I said, flipping througha magazine.  
"BYE!"  
I nodded...

--5 hours later.  
"ATTACK MY MINIONS!!" Emmett screamed.  
I jumped up.  
The door flew open to the fort and a bunch of mice ran in.  
"These are your minions Emmett?" I asked.  
"Yeah! And they are going to attack!" He said.  
"Right" I started stomping.  
"HEY! Stop it!" He cried.  
"They'll eat the cardboard Emmett" I said, stomping on the last of the mice.  
"DUH!" He said, standing a few feet back from the fort door.  
"Well, theyre all dead now! See ya!" I closed the door in his face.  
Then Alice walked in, "AHH!! MICE!!" She ran out screaming.  
Oh well.  
--

Alice-There were so many mice!  
Bella-Calm down! Eddies cleaning them up  
Edward-No I'm not.  
Bella-YES YOU ARE  
Edward-OH RIGHT! yeah, I was!  
-Edward signs off-  
Koda-Hes dumb :)  
Alice-But there was so many!  
Koda-So?  
Alice-OH SHIT! THERES A PARTY IN AN HOUR!!  
Bella-So?  
Alice-I STILL HAVN'T DECORATED!  
Koda-Eddie's done ;D  
Alice-THANKS BYE!  
-Alice signs off-  
Koda-What a spazz.  
Bella-I know.

**Sorry, party next chapt. My brothers getting on :)  
Next chapter its PARTY TIME!!  
WOO!  
Unless I dont get reviews.  
I want reviews  
:D I LOVE REVIEWS! Now leave me some shizz**


	7. Stop! Party time!

**Lalalaala Honestly, I love how I make Bella and Koda work together. :) They're a perfect team!**

-Alice signs on-  
-Bella signs on-  
-Koda signs on-  
-Edward signs on-  
-Jasper signs on-  
Jasper-Soooo  
Alice-Sooo...  
Bella-Yeah we get it; So.  
Koda-I am bored.  
Edward-Let's do something.  
Alice-Let's egg something!  
Jasper-Let's egg someONE!  
Edward-YEAH!  
Koda-BETTER YET!  
Bella-EGG EMMETT!  
Alice-YEAH!  
Jasper-YEAH!  
Edward-TO THE FRIDGE!  
-Alice signs off-  
-Edward signs off-  
-Jasper signs off-  
Koda-Wow, they actually liked the idea!  
Bella-TOTALLY!  
-Bella signs off-  
-Koda signs off-

--At the fridge (That's convenently inside the fort... Also needed for the party)  
"EGGS!" Alice screamed.  
They all ran for the fridge, when suddenly! The doorbell rang...  
"I'll get it!" Bella shouted.  
And it was...  
Jessica.  
"HI!!" She screamed, hugging Bella...  
Edward walked into the room along with Jasper who screamed like little girls and ran.

Jessica's point of view.  
I screamed and hugged Bella and then THEY came into the room. Before I could say anything, they screamed and ran.  
So I let go of Bella and ran after them.

Bella's pov.  
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Alice and I shouted, grabbing the back of her shirt as she went to chase Edward and Jasper.  
"Edward's mine" I said.  
"And Jazzie's mine" Alice said.  
"WE WARNED YOU NOT TO INVITE HER!" Edward and Jasper screamed from somewhere in the fort...  
"WHERE ARE THEY!?" Jessica screamed, trying to break free from out hold.  
"No ones looking, right?" Alice asked.  
"Nah." I said.  
"You thinkin what I'm thinking?"  
"YEP!" I said.  
Alice snapped her neck and stuck Jess's body out the door. Esme ran down the steps, screaming "FOOD!" grabbed the body and ran upstairs.  
"Well I wasn't thinking that..." I said, "But hey! It works!"  
"Thank you! Thank you!" Alice said, smiling and bowing.

**Koda _Bella_**

**_Omg I am so bored. I don't want to have a partay anymore. I have to deal with FREAKS! FREAKS I TELL YOU! NORMAL PEOPLE!  
_It's not that bad. We can pull pranks. WE're to fast for people to notice when we dissapear and then show up a second later. They just think they blinked. :)  
****_Yeah but I have to deal with all those boys who obsessed over me.  
_And probably still do!  
****_: /  
_What? It's true!  
****_I will kill you!  
_:) Nah, you love me to much Robin!  
****_We should get ready BatMan!  
_Mood swing?  
****_Jasper  
_Nah. Mood swing.  
****_Jasper!  
_Modd swing!  
**_Nope! It was me! :D  
_**_Not now Jasper, we're talking about stuff.  
_LETS DROP!  
_Shake shake, shake shake, shake it!  
_TO THE BATCAVE!  
_We're in the batcave. What do you think we turned this place into?  
_Idk. But Alice but all the batman stuff away D: Well that could be moved and changed.  
_: / let's go party anyways!  
_Thought you didn't wanna.  
_Nah. Changed my mind! :D  
_:)))))) LETS DROP!**

--Alice point of view.  
I started letting people in.  
A bunch of people came in and Jasper turned up the music.  
Bella came to stand next to me with Koda on her heels.  
"Ohmygod" Someone said. I turned and it was Eric.  
"What?" I asked.  
"DAMN BELLA! YOU GOT HOT!" He shouted.  
Her eyes got wide and she ran away screaming. Oh well. Shes insane anyways.

--Eddie's pov.  
_Damn! Bella got hot! Man, look at those curves! Wow. Man! Why did she have to marry Edward!? We'd have been PERFECT together! And think of the things I'd get to do! Maybe she'll bend over! That's one short skirt!_

Ugh, Eric's here.  
"EDWARD!" Bella screamed appearing.  
"What?"  
"Kill Eric, PLEASE!" She asked.  
"Mkay!" I said, skipping out into the living room of Fort Alice. Eric was there gawking at Koda now.  
_Shes hot too! Dang!! Was she at school with us? Maybe she'll get drunk and kiss me! :D  
_I laughed. And he turned around.  
"Oh hey! Hey... Uh h-h-hey Edward?" He stuttered.  
"Heard you were talking about Bella" I said, crossing my arms. Bella stood at my side.  
"Yeah so?" He said.  
"So?" I said sneering.  
"Whatcha gonna do about it?" He was getting brave.  
"This!" Bella said, and she kicked him inbetween the legs.  
"FRICK!" He screamed, falling to the floor, "I THINK SHE BROKE MY BALLS!"  
"I could do worse." I said.  
"I DON'T THINK SO!!" He was rolling around, gripping his area. Everyone was staring.  
The music stopped and Jasper said, "ULTIMATE DEATH MATCH!"

--Ultimate death match arena. 3rd person.  
"You're going down Edward! I'll so win!" Eric said.  
"Right" Edward said.  
"DING!" Alice screamed.  
Edward snapped Eric's neck.  
"EDWARD WINS!" Alice screamed.  
And the crowd went wild.  
"YES! HE'S FINALLY DEAD!" Someone screamed.

--Party resumes, everyone gets wasted cept the Vamps. Well Jasper gets drunk too. DRUNK OFF EMOTIONS! WOO!!

Then there was a knock... on the door!  
"OPEN UP!" Someone screamed.  
Alice opened the door.  
"FREEZE!" A cop shouted, a huge swarm of cops poured into the room.  
Everyone stopped dancing and drinking.  
And Jasper ripped off his pants, "WOO!! RAISE THE ROOF!" He screamed, running around in boxers.  
"We heard there was a wild crazy party going on!" The cop shouted.  
"Yeah so?" Bella said.  
"Well, it's now illegal to have wild partys in a Fort!!"  
"Why?"  
"Cause, WE WERN'T INVITED!" The cops all shouted.  
"WOO!!" Everyone screamed.  
"TURN UP THE MUSIC!" Bella shouted.  
Koda grinned and turned up the volume.

--Koda point of view.

I turned up the volume and Shake It started blaring and EVERYONE was dancing. And falling down... And drinking... And moshing.  
I watched as Jasper climbed onto the huge speakers and started dancing... Well shaking his butt to the crowd.  
_Now if she does it like this will you do it like that  
Now if she touches like this, will you touch her right back  
Now if she moves like this, will you move it like that (come on)_

Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, uh shake it!  
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, uh shake it!  
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, uh shake it!  
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, uh shake it!  
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, uh shake it!

--6 hours later.

Everyone was leaving. Bella and I shoved a bunch of drunk people out the door.  
"GO! GO! GO!" Bella screamed.  
"DON'T COME BACK!" I shouted.  
I could hear Alice yelling at Jasper about pants.  
Everyone was gone. And as soon as they left, the fort collasped.  
"NO!!" Alice screamed, "WE'RE NOT SAFE FROM EMMETT!"  
"Chillax Alice, he's gone for the next 2 days." I said.  
"NO I'M NOT!" He screamed from upstairs.  
"QUICK! GET CARDBOARD AND RE-BUILD THIS PLACE!" I screamed.

--Alice pov.  
"HURRY!" I shouted as we scrambled to re-build.  
Jasper and Bella we're cleaning up the party mess while the rest of us scrambled to re-build.

In 5 minutes the place was back up, exactly as it was.

And it was clean!

"Well THAT was dramatic" Bella said, walking past me and twirling her hair on her fingers.  
"Yeah it was! Emmett could've attacked us!" I said.  
"NO I COULDN'T HAVE! I'M TAKING A BUBBLE BATH!! WOO!" He screamed from the bathroom, 3 floors up.  
"Whatever!" I said.  
"Let's partay some more!" Koda said.  
"YEAH!" I shouted.  
"HIT THE LIGHTS! AND TURN UP THE MUSIC!" Koda screamed at Bella.

Then Esme barged in, "NO! NO! NO MORE CRAZY PARTYS! NO MORE MUSIC! NO! NONE!" She screamed.  
"Why?" We asked.  
"BECAUSE YOU JUST HAD ONE AND CARLISLE AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR MUSIC BLARING! AND YOU'RE MAKING A MESS!" She screamed.  
"Dude, it's clean" Koda said.  
"YOU CALL THIS CLEAN!?" She shouted.  
"Yeah..." I said. There was only a giant mess everywhere.  
"YOU WOULDN'T KNOW CLEAN IF IT HIT YOU IN THE FACE!" She shouted, and started cleaning.  
"Let's leave , quick!" I whispered.  
"To the escape pod to Mexico!" Koda and Bella whispered.  
"AND AWAY!" We all screamed as we scrambled.

**Theres the story. I didn't want details. : / Ugh I'll have a better party later. It's cause I am REALLY bored. And don't feel like going into extreme hilarious detail like usual.  
I'll have another (better) party later in the story :) Leave me some shizz.  
Seriously. The more reviews I get, the faster I'll update.**


	8. HP redo!

**Thanks to Fox-Siren for the idea!! :D WOO! **

"im bored! lets trick out the fort again!" alice  
"we just did that!" edward  
"so." alice  
"lets go somewhere fun!" jazz  
"lets just build out OWN fun place!" koda  
"w/o Emmet!" bella  
"freaks..." edward  
"that'll never work!" jazz  
"thats AWSOME! lets do it!" alice  
"to the store!" koda  
"and away!" bella

Alice-I'm bored. Let's trick out the fort again!  
Edward-We JUST did that!  
Alice-Sooo...  
Jasper-Let's party!  
Koda-Let's build our OWN place!  
Bella-WITHOUT EMMETT!  
Edward-Freaks...  
Jasper-That'll never work!  
Alice-Thats AWESOME! Let's do it!  
Koda-TO THE STORE!  
Bella-AND AWAY!  
Jasper-Again? It's the 10th time this week!  
Koda-TO BAD!  
-Koda signs off-  
-Bella signs off-  
-Alice signs off-  
Edward-Might as well. They'll just drag us out.  
Jasper-Let em try!

--five minutes later

Edward's point of view.  
I was sitting in Koda's room while Bella and Koda debating on what to wear when suddenly.  
"NO!!" Jasper screamed, "GET AWAY FROM ME!"  
Bella and I looked out the door.  
Alice was dragging Jasper by his ankles.  
"NO!! NO!! NOT TO THE MALL!" He screamed.  
There was a line of scratches from Jasper's fingers as he tried to hold onto the floor. She dragged him down the stairs.  
And there was a loud "THUD! THUD! THUD" As she dragged him into the basement and out the back door.  
"NO!!" We could hear him scream.  
"COME ON GUYS!" Alice called up the steps.  
"COMING!" We called, cracking up.  
Koda and Bella kicked me out of the room so they could change and I went to Alice's car.

--3 hours and a tricked out crib((fort))later.

**Koda _Bella _**Edward _Alice _Jasper

Was it really nessacary to deck out the fort with Harry Potter stuff?  
**_DUH! HP is SEXY.  
_**Sexier than me?  
**_Duh  
_**Im hurt.  
**_To bad you'll heal.  
_Oh look at him dry sob!  
**_Ha! That's great.  
_Guys have feelings too.  
_Aw who are you to preach at us girls?  
_**_We are the MEANING of emotions.  
_**Oh yeah not like I feel emotions and like I control them  
_Then make him stop blubbering.  
_Why should I? Bella's the one who did it.  
**_OK! I can handle this! All I have to do is kiss him.  
_Can I kiss him?  
****_No. Go snog Shane.  
_Can't. He doesn't want a gf. : / Meanie. :) Oh well I can wait ****_A/N Seriously, that's how Shane is.  
Snog the tree then  
_OK! WOO!  
**_Make him feel better Jazz or I'll stop wearing that nice pj set that you like so much.  
_The see through one?  
_Yep.  
_Fine. I'll make him Happy.  
_And I'll go put on the pj's!  
__**Please Alice, if you do, stay upstairs.  
**Dude! This place has 5 bedrooms! I can do what I want here!  
_**Oh god.  
**_You won't hear a thing!  
_So we ARE doing something?  
_Yeah! Playing monoply!  
_DAMMIT!  
_What were you expecting?  
_**Let's just say... Patty cake.  
**_I love hand games! I like playing slide! Oh! That reminds me, weres the chalk?  
_**It's on the porch.  
**_WO! I'm going to chalk!  
_Ok I feel better.  
I thought you were going to dress up!  
_Nah! I wanna chalk! WOO!  
**HA! Jasper got screwed over!  
**_**Haha! :) Let's watch tv!  
****_Let's watch HP!  
_WOO!  
**Bella! Kiss me my love!  
**_Pft no way! I'm going to watch harry potter! WOOO!  
_**What!?  
**Bye!  
**NO!

--Bella and Koda start watching Harry Potter.

Edward curls into a ball and dry sobs.

Alice makes Jasper color with her.

Emmett plots getting into the fort...

what will happen next!? Tune in next time for... um stuff to happen! NIGHT!


	9. Woo!

**Um yeah for those of you who didn't get the paper part of chapter 8, go re-read it. I fixed it. Jasper's part WAS underlined but I guess it didn't save that way. It keeps doing that. Idk. But if it happens again tell me. ((Thanks to whoever told me that Jazz's paper part wasn't underlined))**

Bella-How was shopping?  
Alice-Fun!  
Jasper-Never ever ever again. For as long as I live.  
Koda-Which would be forever!  
Jasper-Like I need reminders!  
Bella-Yep!  
Edward-So what did you do to Jasper Alice?  
Alice-Just read my thoughts.  
Koda-Yeah well we cant all read minds!  
Bella-YEAH!  
Jasper-You don't need to. It's OBVIOUS what shes done to me!  
Alice-I made him wear a dress!  
Koda-HA!  
Bella-Got pictures?  
Koda-Got milk?  
Bella-HA! YES! IN THE FRIDGE!  
Koda-SWEET!  
-Koda signs off-  
-Bella signs off-  
Alice-Yes I have pictures.  
Jasper-Theyre long gone now Alice.  
Edward-But I'm not!  
Jasper-SCRAM!  
Edward-OK! OK!  
-Edward signs off-  
Jasper-HEY LOOK!  
Alice-WHAT!?  
Jasper-GLOBAL WARMING!  
Alice-WHERE!?  
Jasper-NOWS MY CHANCE!  
-Jasper signs off-  
Alice-Damn! Oh hes good... But I'm better!  
Alice-Usually!  
-Alice signs off-

**Koda **_**Bella **Jasper_

_She mustn't find me!  
**Oh too late! Look here she comes now!  
**_**No that's Rose!  
****_Alice  
_Rose  
****_Alice  
_Rose  
_Alice  
_**_YOUR MOM!  
**Oh hey hes right! It's Esme!  
**_**Ha! He's good.  
_But I'm better.  
_**_Just hide me from Alice.  
**Nah she'll find you in a second  
**_**Yeah!  
**_Not if you make her do something  
**Righttt  
**_**Yeah cause I'd help you!  
**_You would and will  
_**I don't wanna!  
**_Come on! Why not?  
_**Cause you're white!  
**_So are you!  
_**Good point. Ok I'll help!  
****_Gosh you should see your face Koda.  
_Why?  
****_It looks like you just saw; a boysenberry muffin on wheels wearin Santa slipper socks  
_WO! You're right! Wait! Theres no such thing!  
_Ah young grasshopper, if you Believe!  
_**_Shut up and save me!  
**Ok go hide in a broom cupboard at Hogwarts!  
**_**WHICH DOES EXIST!  
**_OK!  
**Look at him go.  
**_**Meh, I look better.  
****_Yeah and your butt doesn't shake.  
_HA! His butt DOES shake.  
****_Shake and bake!  
_Bake and shake!  
****_YOU MOM!  
_SHAKE SHAKE! SHAKE SHAKE! UH SHAKE IT!  
****_I sooo saw that one coming!  
_Righttt And Alice isn't running around in underwear.  
****_She is.  
_Oh. Well Emmett's not plotting to get in with the help of...  
****_HARRY POTTER!  
_No.. BUT THATS BRILLIANT!  
****_Check yes Juliet... Dadadadadadada...  
_That's so not how that song goes!  
_Well the dadadadadadada thing I made up!  
_Of course you did.  
_Don't roll your eyes at me!  
_Don't tie your shoes like that then!  
_My shoes are SLIP ONS.  
_I knew that.  
_Right you did.  
_:) Ok you caught me! IN THE COOKIE JAR! WOOO!  
_Hm I did didn't I?  
_Yeah  
_Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?  
_Not me!  
_Damn you sneaky cookie stealer!  
_What an idiot.  
_I read that.  
_No you didn't.  
_Ok!  
_Now that THATS settled...**

--Emmett pov.

I HAVE TO GET IN THERE!

"STOP THINKING SO LOUD EMMETT!" Edward shouted from the fort, "WHOA! WAIT A MINUTE! EMMETT JUST THOUGHT!"  
Esme ran down the stairs screaming about my first thought, snapped a picture and ran upstairs again screaming about printing and picture frames.

So he knows I can think...  
"YES I DO!"  
Shut up!  
"OK!"  
Good... Now I can plot! Maybe I can burn the fort down...  
"IT'S FIRE PROOF!"  
"IT'S CARDBOARD!"  
"AND YOU'RE SCARED OF IT!"  
"GOOD POINT!"  
"WOOO! SCORE ONE FOR ME!"  
"SHUT UP EDWARD! I'M TRYING TO PLOT THIS!"  
"THEN STOP THINKING SO LOUD!"  
"THEN TELL THE AUTHOR TO STOP TYPING IN CAPS!!"  
"AUTHOR STOP TYPING IN CAPS!"  
"Pft! You can't tell me what to do!" said the Author.  
"HA! You stopped typing in caps!" I said.  
She grumbled and walked away.  
HA! Thats right! Author can't control me...  
"I WRITE THE STORY DUMBY!" She screamed at me from upstairs.  
Weird... She knows my thoughts...  
"YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" Edward shouted.  
"I KNOW!" I shouted back.

--Jasper Pov.  
I sat on a bucket in the broom closet.  
When suddenly!  
The door opened and two teenage boys looked in.  
"HOW THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU!?" Shouted the red head.  
"AND DID YOU EAT DUMBLE DORE'S TART!?" Shouted the kid with black hair. **Read my other story "The Tart" To understand the question.  
**"OH COURSE HE DID! HE'S HIDING OUT!" Shouted the red head.  
"Shut up!" I said, "I didn't eat a tart. I can't eat!"  
"Oh. Well who are you and why are you in the broom cupboard?!" Four eyes asked.  
"I am hiding from my wife, Alice!"  
"Oh!! Alice what?" The red head asked.  
"By the way, I'm Harry! And hes Ron!" Four eyes said. Eh, I like four eyes better.  
"Alice Cullen..." I said.  
"ARE YOU JASPER CULLEN!?" Four eyes shouted.  
"Yes! But SHUT UP!" I said.

Then a whole bunch of girls walking by stopped, "Jasper Cullen?"  
"Yep!" Ron said, pointing at me. These girls were feisty.  
"AH! OMG! I'M SUCH A BIG FAN!" They all screamed yelling and trying to get into the broom closet.  
"LADIES! LADIES BACK AWAY!" I cried, trying to calm them. To much excitment. I started punching.  
They all died and I ran away.

THE END!

--  
Alice-Wheres Jazz?  
Bella-Eh who knows.  
Koda-HOGWARTS!  
Alice-It's real!?  
Koda-LE GASP! You didn't think it was real!?  
Alice-Um...  
Bella-KILL HER!  
Alice-BYE!  
-Alice signs off-  
Koda-Eh let's go watch tv.  
Bella-But! But!  
Koda-Tv.  
-Koda signs off-  
-Bella signs off-

--Bella's pov.

We walked into the fort's living room.  
"AHA!" I shouted.  
Edward was sitting on the couch watching HP.  
"I KNEW IT!" Koda screamed.  
"IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" Edward shouted.  
"Right."  
"It's not!" he said.  
"Then what is it?" I asked.  
"Um... I was curious. You guys said Harry's so great and everything... so I wanted to see if he... was?"  
"Damn straight he is!" Koda said.  
"Yeah and now that I've seen these... I've decided..." He began.  
"What?" I asked.  
"I'm leaving you for Harry! Good bye!" He said, jumping up and running out of the fort in slow motion.  
"NO EDWARD! NO! COME BACK!"  
"I can't!" He said.  
"NO! I LOVE YOU! COME BACK!"  
"NO! NO! I CAN'T!"  
"FINE! THEN I WANT THE KID!"  
"NO! NOT JUILO! HE MUST COME WITH ME!" **A/N that said, Who-lee-oh.  
**"YOU SUCK!"  
"Yeah I know." He sat on the couch.  
"Wern't you leaving?" Koda asked.  
"Nope."  
"But... You were running..." I said.  
"In slow motion!" Koda added.  
"Pft. Harry Potter sucks." he said.  
"But you said!" Koda and I said in unison.  
"I lied" he shrugged.  
"GET HIM!" I screamed.  
"NO! NO!" He screamed as we pounced.

--5 minutes later.

**Koda ****_Bella  
Man we showed Edward!  
_Ha! I know!  
_Wait, why do we love Harry so much?  
_Idk. Hes everything Edwards not.  
_Oh yeah!  
_What are you the Kool-aid man?  
_Kool-aid WOMAN. Theres a diffrence.  
_OH! OH! I wanna be the Kool-Aid MAN.  
_Ok!_**


	10. Exploding Edward!

**Dude, who ever the frick Fox-Siren is, YOU'RE A GENIUS. You are now my second brain, my back up ideas! WOO! :) Dude this persons a genius. I've liked all their ideas so far :D And I've jacked parts of them or taken the whole thing.  
Thank you thank you thank you! :D You're a frickin genius kid!**

**Koda _Bella_**

**_What if Edward finds out about our secret marriage!?  
_As the Kool-Aid Man and Woman!  
****_Never mind, he'd just freak out  
_Yeah as always.  
****_But that's why its a SECRET!  
_Would he like explode if we told him? Cause if thats the case I'm telling him.  
****_Meh nah he'll just get all mad  
_Then what?  
****_Cry about it. Well dry sob. Then he'll be all upset.  
_Aw man!  
****_You can just control him.  
_Hm good point!  
****_But don't let him see this paper! He'll flip out.  
_You're SURE he won't explode?  
****_Positive  
_AWW MAN! :(  
****_?  
_Nothing...  
****_Ohkay? What are you planning?  
_Nothing. Just wanted to see if Eddie would explode.  
****_OH! COOL! Right on! Let's make a plan.  
_Um aren't you his wife?  
****_He forced my hand. :P  
_Right. I thought it was; "If you marry me I'll turn you into a vampire. Other wise, screw you, ask Carlisle"  
****_Pretty much.  
_:P Hes a jerk face!  
****_Nah he just wanted me to marry him. Which worked. :) Plus side, I realized I'm good at SOMETHING.  
_Which is?  
****_Take a guess, Koda, take a guess.  
_OH! Wow, really?  
****_Yeah.  
_Lol cool.  
****_Let's say, I was the man, he was the girl.  
_DAMN!  
****_He was scared afterwards to be alone with me. :) He got over it. Funny part; I was STILL HUMAN.  
_AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA  
****_I know!  
_I bet if he reads this he'll explode  
_If he explodes I'll give you 1000 dollars cash._**  
**Deal!**

Meanwhile...  
Edward-So wheres Bella and Koda?  
Alice-Over there, passing notes.  
Jasper-Same old, same old.  
Edward-I swear, they're like to school girls. All they do is pass notes.  
Jasper-They do other stuff.  
Alice-Oh yeah I know! They get on AIM and they talk to us and they run off to the store screaming. And they do all random crazy stuff :)  
Jasper-They also do a lot of stuff together  
Edward-Like?  
Jasper-Girl stuff.  
Alice-Make-up, hair, shopping, dancing... yadda.  
Edward-Right.  
Jasper-Hey look! They threw away that paper! Eddie go get it!  
Edward-Kay.  
-Edward is away. Edward will receive all messages when he returns-  
-Koda signs on-  
-Bella signs on-  
Bella-Hey!  
Koda-SUP  
Alice-Eddies getting something.  
Koda-What?  
Alice-Just a paper.  
Bella-What paper?  
Jasper-The paper you just threw away  
Bella-NO!!  
Koda-Aw shit.  
-Edward has returned-  
Edward-WHAT THE HELL!?  
Koda-IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!  
Edward-A receipt for 5000 for a purse!?  
Alice-Wrong paper.  
Bella-Get the paper Koda! RUN! And while your at it, stuff it in your bra. Eddie won't go there.  
Edward-No guy would.  
Koda- -Glares-  
Bella-GET IT!  
Edward-NO! I MUST GET IT FIRST!  
Koda-To bad, I have it.  
Bella-YES!  
Alice-Nice Edward! Now we'll never know what they talk about!  
Koda-Just chit chat :)  
Edward-So why can't I see the paper?  
Alice-Don't look at each other like that!  
Jasper-Yeah! I feel mischief.  
Bella-No you don't...  
Jasper-Yes I do.  
Koda-NO. YOU. DON'T.  
Jasper-No I don't.  
Alice-Hey! :D Good job BatMan!  
Koda-Not so bad yourself BatWoman!  
Bella-Eh hem!  
Koda-AND Robin.  
Bella- :)

_Jasper _Edward  
How can we get that paper?  
_Idk.  
_You should! Can't you make them feel bad about what they're hiding? And then they'll hand it over!  
_Good luck! I'm not getting controlled again.  
_D: Please? For me?  
_Nope.  
_Come on, I am NOT reaching down Koda's shirt.  
_Do it while's shes sleeping.  
_Are you mental?  
_What?  
_WE DON'T SLEEP.  
_Oh right. :) Well Idk. Seduce her?_  
Hm... I might consider that if I knew Bella wouldn't kill me.  
_Just follow them till they drop it then.  
_BRILLIANT!

--10hours later

"Yes!" Edward said.  
"They dropped it?" Jasper asked.  
"YES!" He opened it and began reading.  
"NO EDWARD WAIT! DON'T READ THAT!" Koda screamed.  
"NO! DON'T LOOK EDWARD!" Bella shouted.  
"WHAT!? MARRIED!? YOU'RE MARRIED TO ME BELLA!" Edward screamed.  
"Um..." Koda said.  
"I can explain?" Bella said.  
"I FORCED YOUR HAND!? YOU AGREED IN THE MEADOW!" He shouted.  
"Dude, look at that shade of red hes turning." Koda whispered.  
"I didn't know vampires could do that!" Jasper whispered back.  
"WHOA! HE EXPLODED!" Koda shouted.  
"Aw man!" Bella said.  
"HA! TOLD YOU HE WOULD!"  
"You didn't say jack about him exploding!"  
"Yes I did!"  
"NO YOU DIDN'T!" Bella shouted.  
"Yes you did!" Jasper said, looking at the note, "You owe her 1000 cash"  
"Dammit!" Bella said.  
"And someone call Esme and tell her to get down here and clean this mess up" Jasper said.  
"ESME!" Koda shouted.  
"I AM BUSY! DO IT YOURSELVES!" She screeched down the stairs.  
"BUT THERES A MESS!" Koda whined.  
"OH! REALLY!? I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN!" She called.  
"Mood swing much?" Jasper muttered.  
"Ouch" Edwards remains said.  
Esme started sweeping them up, "OUCH! NO DON'T MOVE ME! STOP OUCH! CAN'T YOU HEAR ME!? OUCH!! STOP SWEEPING YOU BLASTED WOMAN!"  
"You guys say something?" Esme asked.  
"Nope" They said.  
"Oh"  
"CURSES!!" Edward screamed


	11. Jacward 3? In this story?

**Mkay to understand this chapter; You need to have read my other story about the crazy cullen family. :) Or else you'll get lost at the words; Jakward 3. MUAHAHAHA. Yeah. But unless you've already read my other story you won't get this. :)  
And ALSO, I'll put author notes where ever I want to put them. It's MY story. Don't like it? Too bad. Deal with it  
Also; Sorry I havn't been updating. I've been busy and I havn't been on long enough to update.**

Esme dumped Edward in the trash.  
When... SUDDENLY! Carlisle walks bye...  
"Carlisle! Help!" Edward cried.  
"What!? Who said that!? WHOS THERE!? I KNOW KARATE!" Carlisle screamed.  
"Look in the trash!" Edward said.  
"Oh! Hi Edward! Say, how'd you get turn into ashes? Is it some new power!? I WANT A POWER!"  
"No, I blew up!"  
"Oh!" He said, "Hey look it's Jacob!"  
"Hey! Have you seen Bella?" Jacob asked.  
"Um no..."  
"Say! That smells delicious!" Jacob sniffed Edward's ashes... And eats them.  
"NO!!" Edward and Carlisle screamed.  
Then Jacob and Edward formed the awesomly cool Jacward 3!! **A/N Like I said, don't get it? Read my Crazy Cullen story.  
**"Oh well!" Carlisle said walking away.

--  
Alice-Omg I wonder where Edward went.  
Bella-Or what Esme did with him.  
Koda-WOO! Did you see him explode!? That was wicked!  
Alice-Ew!  
Koda-What?  
Alice-I smell ugly people!  
-Edward signs on-  
-Jacob signs on-  
Bella-Wow, shes good!  
Alice-Thank you! Thank you! -Bows-  
Edward-Why the hell did you eat the frickin ashes!?  
Jacob-They smelled yummy!  
Edward-Well now we're stuck toghether!  
Koda-OH! Jacward 3!!  
Bella-HA! Yeah look at them... It!  
Edward-I hate you Jacob  
Jacob-I love you to Edward!  
Bella-Em... Why don't you two just create an aim called...  
Koda-JACWARD!Numba3 of course  
Alice-Oh! And then make a show called pimp my wheel chair!  
Bella-And attach jets to the back of each wheel chair!  
Koda-ANd give it killer speakers!  
Alice-And flames on the seat!  
Koda-And music!  
Bella-And make it fly!  
Alice-And then make it into a jet ski!  
Bella-And fly!  
Koda-And give it turbo turbo!  
Bella-That way if they really gotta go they can turbo!  
Alice-And make it dance!  
Bella-And fly!  
-Edward signs off-  
-Jacob signs off-  
Bella-Good work!  
Alice-They're gone!  
Koda-Yay!  
Alice-Let's do something evil.  
Bella-Yeah!  
Koda-Wait; If they're fused toghether...  
Bella-What?  
Koda-You can't do it with Edward!  
Bella-Aww D:  
Alice-Haha!  
Koda-Lol. Let's fix this problem...  
Bella-After we laugh at them more :)  
Alice-Totally!  
-Koda signs off-  
-Bella signs off-  
Alice-Oh yeah! Go plot something without me!  
-Alice signs off-


	12. Water Balloons

**:) Arn't they evil? Nah. Oh the thing about walking down the street in slow mo. with the wind blowing and sun and lip gloss, I really said that to Kim. Lmao. We were walking to her house and it came out. Idk we were cracking up. Total blonde moment**

**Koda _Bella_**

**_Ok BatMan! I say we start plotting!  
_Totally!  
_What about Alice?  
_No She'll ruin it...  
_Mkay!  
_Quick Robin! To the BatMobile!  
_RUN BATMAN RUN!  
_Ok!  
_Hey I was kidding!  
_Oh hey look! We're in the BatMobile!  
_WHOA! When'd we get here?  
_Shut up Robin! We need to plot!  
_Right-o!  
_Mkay so I say that we somehow do something so drasticaly stupid and smart that they don't know what hits them!  
_Correction! What hit IT.  
_Right-o!  
_:) So BatMan, whats the plan!?  
_Two words.  
_Yeah!?  
_Water.  
_Ahuh  
_Balloons.  
_AWESOME! I love throwing those at Jacob! Cause then he smells like wet dog!  
_He is a dog. He's Princess J-Dog of the Jungle _A/N Yeah sorry for the random author note but the real thing is Princess G-Dog of the Jungle. It's what we called George in school. I made it up. It's cause he's got long blonde hair so we call him princess. :) It's hilarious  
Ahahah. I love water balloons. One time I put one on Edward's chair and he sat on it! He had a wet butt! Ahaha. He didn't know what hit him.  
_Yeah Jacob didn't know what hit him either. Turns out; It was my fist.  
_Oh! That one time he stole your purse and was like "Omg I'm so pretty! This purse highlights my hair color!" And then you punched him?  
_No. The one time he tried on my heels for no damn reason! Then I punched him. Poor sucker didn't know what hit him.  
_Well untill we explained to him that it was your fist. :)  
_Yeah. :D Suprised the big bad wolf pack didn't attack.  
_Nah Jasper ate them all.  
_AWESOME!  
_Cept Jacob. Damn him! He must die!  
_Isn't he your bff or something?  
_Not anymore. I mean; Look at me! I'm beautiful!  
_You keep thinkin that Robin.  
_What? You implying something?!  
_Maybe...  
_Right.  
_And why in the world is the BatMobile parked in the Fort!?  
_So Emmy can't take it for a joy ride. I mean; He can take Eddy's car or Jazzy's bike or Alice's car but he can't touch this.  
_Dun na na na! Na na! Na na! CAN'T TOUCH THIS!  
_:) Damn straight BatMan!  
_Now! Let's go get those water balloons!  
_To the store!  
_And FLOOR IT!  
_Um... BatMan...  
_Yeah?  
_You're the driver.  
_Right!  
_FLOOR IT!  
_WOOO!**

--Meanwhile.  
Alice-They're plotting without me Jazz!  
Jasper-Boo hoo boo hoo.  
Alice-: ( But you can't plot without me! I'm ALICE! ALICE I TELL YOU! ALICE!  
Jasper-Dude; Chillax  
Alice-Right.  
Jasper-In the mean time; Stop IMing me. I'm trying to play Final Fantisy X! Gosh. Can't even cross the moonbeam without being pestered!  
Alice-Shut up.  
Jasper-:)  
Alice-Besides! You don't need to rescue Yuna! You need to go follow Koda and Bella and see what they're plotting!  
Jasper-Nah... I'ma sit here and play my game...  
Alice-One crazy night tonight says you arn't.  
Jasper-Ok! I'll be back with a plan!  
Alice-:D YAY!  
-Jasper signs off-  
-Alice signs off-

--Later that night.  
Jasper-Ok! Heres the plan!  
Alice-Yeah?  
Jasper-They are...  
Alice-Yeah!?  
Jasper-They are...  
Alice-Yeah!?  
Jasper-They're playing uno.  
Alice-What?  
Jasper-Yeah they bought uno and challenged Jacward.  
Alice-Pft.  
Jasper-Hey! I got your info! Now I want my crazy night!  
Alice-Fine!  
Jasper-So what are we doing?  
Alice-We are gonna...  
Jasper-Yes??  
Alice-Well...  
Jasper-Yes!?  
Alice-You know...  
Jasper-YES!?  
Alice-Play pool!  
Jasper-DAMN IT!  
Alice-I love getting your hopes up!  
Jasper-D: WHY! WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME!  
Alice-Idk. It's fun. But it will be a crazy night! Cause I'm going to win!  
Jasper-I don't wanna play pool!  
Alice-D: You don't?  
Jasper-No! I want a crazy night.  
Alice-Ok I'll show you a crazy night!  
Jasper-Hey! Don't hit me!  
Alice-I'm going to do worse than hit you if you don't play pool!  
Jasper-OK! OK! I'm coming. Go set up.  
Alice-:)  
-Alice signs off-  
-Jacward signs on-  
Jasper-Omg guys! what am I gonna do!? Alice is the man 0.o  
Jacward-Just because she's pushing you around doesn't mean she's the man.  
Jasper-Actually... Shes the man in the room too.  
Jacward-Whoa. Thats messed up.  
Jacward-No it's true, you're not the one who hears Jasper screaming for her to stop.  
Jacward-I'd rather not Edward, I'd rather not.  
Jacward-Well you know, Jacob. Alice is the man in the relationship.  
Jasper-Yeah! Shes always pwning me in board games too!  
Jacward-Whoa; You need to fight back!  
Jasper-Kinda can't. She'll see it D: Then pwn me again.  
Jacward-You're screwed.  
Jasper-I'd rather be screwed then play pool.  
Jacward-Ahahaha! I get it! I get it!  
Jacward-Get what?  
Jacward-Wow, Jake, you're not as smart as Bella led on!  
Jacward-You implying something!? HUH!? HUH!?  
Jacward-Maybe...  
Jacward-LET'S GO! LET'S GO!  
Jacward-We kinda can't fight seeing how we're... Oh you know... MORPHED TOGETHER!  
Jacward-Welll when we unfuse!  
Jacward-Fine.  
-Jacward signs off-  
-Alice signs on-  
Alice-Come on Jasper!  
Jasper-Coming sir!  
Alice-I love being the man! I can boss you around and stuff :)  
Jasper-MEH!  
Alice-GET OVER HERE!  
Jasper-COMING!  
-Jasper signs off-  
Alice-:)  
-Alice signs off-

--In the store.  
"I'm sorry! You can't buy all the water balloons!" The check out lady said.  
"But we need them!" Koda complained.  
"Yeah!" I said.  
"Well I'm sorry! We can't." The check out lady said.  
"I say that 300 bucks will let us" I said. Pulling out 3 hundereds.  
"Um... Well..." She grabbed the 3 bills and started ringing up the balloons.  
"High five!" Whispered Koda.  
We did a high five as the lady said "That will be 648.13 please!"  
Koda scribbled a check.  
And we grabbed the balloons and scattered.  
But not after screaming, "TO THE BATMOBILE BATMAN!" And running off to the car.

**:) I love water balloons! :D :D :D**


	13. Party Planning

**:):D :D :D I LOVE MUSIC!  
Cept rap and hip hop thats not music; thats SHIT.**

**:D**

**Koda _Bella_**

**_OK now that we have the... Weapons... what do we do Batman?  
_Well Robin, it's simple! We fill them up and attack Jacward!  
_3  
_Yes; Three!  
_:D I can't believe we're gonna do this!  
_Remember Robin; I have dynamic powers!  
_Mhmm. :D  
_Lol. Omg we need to have a crazy party!  
_Then when everyone's here...  
_WE ATTACK!  
_HA! BRILLIANT!  
_We're two evil genius's! MUAHAHAH!  
_QUICK! TO THE FORT!  
_Um... Robin Gay Boy Wonder?  
_Yes BatMan?  
_We're already IN the fort...  
_Right-o... To the sink?  
_QUICK ROBIN! RUN TO THE SINK AND START FILLING THE BALLONS!  
_:D WOO!  
_:) And I'll call everyone and tell them to get back here for another party!  
_RIGHT!_**

--  
Alice-I wonder what Koda and Bella are up to...  
Jasper-Can't you just see the future and what they're planning?  
Alice-Nah, Emmett poked my minds eye. So I can't see shit yet.  
Jasper-Right...  
Emmett-I did!  
Jasper-Alice... Didn't we have a password on our chat?  
Alice-Yeah...  
Emmett-Mike told me it!  
Alice-Ok he's dead!  
-Alice signs off-  
-Jasper signs off-  
Emmett-MUAHAHA!  
-Emmett signs off-

"Hey Jazz!" I called.  
"Yeah Koda?"  
"BatMan" I corrected him.  
"Yeah BatMan?"  
"Call everyone who was at the party and tell them we're having another one... And make sure Jacward's here!"  
"Sure Captain Bossy"  
"BatMan"  
"Captain Bossy"  
"Jastena"  
"Ok BatMan! I'm on it!" He said.  
"Good job! And tell Alice we're having a party"  
"Right..."  
"And I'll take fries with that!" I said.  
"Right..." He walked off.

-Alice signs on-  
-BatMan signs on-  
Koda-:) Partay!  
Alice-What are you two plotting?  
Koda-A partay!  
Alice-OH COOL! Can I help!?  
Koda-Sure.  
Alice-Oh and the new password for the chat is "Schrei"  
Koda-Right.  
-Jasper signs on-  
Jasper-Alice!  
Alice-Yeah?  
Jasper-Koda said to tell you she and Bella are having a party.  
Koda-Already told her; Geez slow poke!  
Jasper-I had to call one hundred people!  
Koda-Oh, right!  
Jasper-And I've still got to call at least 100 more!  
Koda-Well we know who to invite; and how to party.  
Alice-And this time; Leave the pants on.  
Koda-Yeah seriously.  
Jasper- -Narrows eyes- Then don't hand out beer.  
Koda-Then don't come!  
Jasper-Fine!  
Koda-BLAH!  
Jasper-I've got calls to make!  
Koda-THEN GO!  
Jasper-RAWR!  
Koda-:) Bestest friends!  
Jasper-Yep!  
-Jasper signs off-  
Alice-Wow... Well I'ma go to the store for beer and party stuff.  
Koda-Kay.  
-Alice signs off-  
-BatMan signs off-

**:)  
Koda-Ask me "Wheres the party?"  
Carrie-Where's the party?  
Koda-In my pants! And you're not invited!  
Carrie-Awww. : (**


	14. Surprise!

**Here we have what happens from The Tart. When Dumbledore, Ron, and Harry poof into this story to beat Edward with Dobby's Left Sock and The Sorting Hat for eating Dumbledore's tart. I would advise you read The Tart if you don't have a clue what I am talking about. And if you don't read Harry Potter then pretend to know wtf I'm talking about.  
:) Or just read Harry Potter.  
:D Kay kiddos Heres what happens when they POOF into this story**

Alice-Ok so now that we have a party to plan...  
Bella-Yeah! PARTAY! RAISE THE ROOF!  
Koda-And we have everything we need...  
Bella-WOO! YEAH! PARTAY! RAISE THE ROOF!  
Alice-It's time to decorate!!  
Bella-WOO YEAH PARTAY! RAISE THE RO- Decorate?  
Alice-Um yeah.  
Koda-Set up stuff; You know speakers and tables and get it party ready.  
Bella-Well all I wanna do is hard core partay!  
Koda-You will help us or I will cancel the band that coming to sing.  
Bella-Who what and when?  
Koda-Metro Station...  
Bella-I'll help set up! What do you need me to do?  
Alice-Well...  
Koda-MUAHAHAHHAHA!  
Bella-??  
Alice-Start getting the mini stage ready! And Koda; Hit the surround sound! I'll take care of everything else!  
Koda-But I already did all that.  
Alice-Oh... Well then... Start making food!  
Bella-WOO! I'm good at this job!  
Koda-Me too :)  
-Alice signs off-  
Koda-I have no clue how to cook do you?  
Bella-Nope.  
Koda-Crap...  
Bella-I'll call that one place...  
-BatMan signs off-  
-Robin signs off-

--In the teleporter.

Dumbledore's POV  
We poofed into a huge place...  
With some pale people sitting around watching tv.  
It appears we were in some kind of FORT...

--Alice's pov.  
We were sitting on the couch planning out the party and where everything was going to be... With Jazz and Eddie watching tv when BAM!  
We had Ron, Harry and some old guy in the living room.  
Harry was holding a left sock and the old dude had a... Hat??  
Edward looked up.  
"Oh crap! OH CRAP!" He shouted, getting up.  
"YOU ATE MY FRICKIN TART!" The old dude shouted.  
"Well it looked good so I..." Edward said.  
"YOU FRICKIN ATE IT!" He screamed.  
"Um... Well Dumbledore... There was more on a plate next to where you sat..."  
"BUT YOU ATE PENELOPE!"  
"You named it?"  
"YES! AND YOU ATE IT!"  
"And Now we're here to beat you cheerfully with Dobby's left sock and the Sorting Hat!" Harry said. I watched, and Koda sniggered.  
Edward glared and she stopped.  
I saw Bella nudge Koda and they nodded.  
"_One, two..._" Koda breathed so low that I barly heard it.  
"THREE!" Koda and Bella screamed.  
They jumped on Edward and Harry and Dumbledore ran forward and began beating Edward with the sock and hat.  
"GET OFF ME!" He screamed trying to get out from underneath Koda and Bella... While trying not to get hit with a sock and a hat.  
It couldn't have hurt! He needs to suck it up!  
"Alice this really does hurt!" He said, looking at me.  
"Hey old dude!" I said.  
He stopped, "What?"  
"Can I wear that hat? It looks cool" I said.  
"Yeah sure!" He handed it too me.  
I put it on.  
_Hm... You have a talented mind... Yes yes. You can see the future...  
Um magical hat; Why the are you talking to me?  
I am the sorting hat! I'm going to sort you into your proper house...  
Right... And I'm insane.  
No you have a brilliant mind. Lots of brains and courage... You're loyal... And... oh my! What have we here??  
What? HEY! DON'T LOOK AT THOSE! HEY! STOP IT!  
My my! Sex fiend!  
Hey stop!  
Wow! I've never seen someone do THAT before...  
Stop it or I'll rip you to shreds!  
Right.. Hm better be...  
What the are you talking about?  
_"RAVENCLAW!" The hat screamed.  
"What are you screaming about you dumb hat?" I asked.  
_Now take me off! I must finish sorting...  
Ohmygod you just sorted me into RAVENCLAW!? RAVENCLAW FRIGGIN SUCKS!  
TAKE ME OFF FOOL!  
Hey; Don't even go there girl fran! Yo is juss be sayin that I is smart and shizz. You best be ain't talking to me like that. Mhmm.  
Right... Take me off.  
_I ripped the hat off my head.  
"Alice; For someone who's in LOVE with Harry Potter you should KNOW about the Sorting Hat" Edward said from the floor. Ron was now beating him.  
Harry grinned, "So... Babe. You love me?" He looked hopeful.  
"Hells no!! I love Jasper!" I said.  
"Aww"  
"QUICK BOYS! BACK TO THE INVISIBLE TELEPORTER! If I could find it..." Dumbledore added.  
"To your left" Edward said.  
Dumbledore felt to the left.  
"Little more." he told him.  
He moved a little more.  
"About another inch and you've got it"  
He touched the teleporter.  
"Come along boys! Oh yes!" he said as Harry and Ron ran into the teleporter.  
He walked towards me, "Edward owes me a tart and Alice you must come learn at Hogwarts!" He grabbed my arms and dragged me to the teleporter.  
"NO! NO!" I screamed as the teleporter doors closed.

--Koda's pov.  
"Aw man! Why does SHE get to go to Hogwarts!?" I whined.  
Bella shrugged, "Let's just finish for the party! Then we attack for the right into the school!"  
Edward rolled his eyes.  
"Great now can you get off me Bella?" He said.  
"Nah you're comfy to sit on" She said.  
I was on the couch again looking at the plans, "Come here Bella!"  
"Why?"  
I showed her what I saw.  
"Blue prints?"  
"Of Hogwarts!" I grinned.  
"AWESOME!"  
If only someone knew the evil I was capable of...  
"Um I do!" Edward said.  
Shut up! You ruined the moment!  
"Sorry." He muttered.  
Brat.


	15. No Alice! No Party!

**I WANT A GIRL WITH LIPS LIKE MORPHINE!! :D I love Kill Hannah! Ok some of this stuff is from picture comments that I sent to Autumn on myspace and some of its froma message with Autumn; And it's funny!**

Koda-Well now that Alice is GONE...  
Bella-WE CAN PARTY!  
Edward-Yeah; But I have this absurd feeling that shes going to come back...  
Koda-You worry to much Eddiekins!  
Bella-Omg! Nice picture Comment Koda!  
Koda-Oh you got it?  
Bella-Ch'yeah!  
Edward-Whats it say?  
Bella-; ) You'll find out soon!  
Edward- -Grumbles-  
Koda-:D  
-Edward signs off-  
Koda-Bella...  
Bella-Yes?  
Koda-I think I just shat myself because I looked at you... Wait is that a pickup line? Lmfaooo I LOVE YOU!  
Bella-Yep :D Who doesn't?  
Koda-I can name a few...  
Bella- D: Lol.  
Koda-_I want a girl with lips like morphine... _Wait! What am I talking about?! I'm straight!  
Bella-Haha! What was that thing you said about Shane?  
Koda-Oh! it was "omg! slits wrist oops... shouldnt have done that...dies WAIT! I can't die! I havnt dated Shane yet!"  
Bella-Yeah that was funny :D  
Koda-I say we go tackle Edward and tell him hes a princess...  
Bella-I agree.  
Koda-QUICK ROBIN! AND AWAY!  
-BatMan signs off-  
-Robin signs off-

--Koda's pov.  
"GO! GO! GO!" I screamed. Bella and I ran out into the Fort's Living Room and tackled Edward.  
Which sent the three of us flying over the couches edge.  
"ONE POINT FOR TEAM K&B!!" Bella screamed as we landed on the floor.  
"What he heck!?" Edward asked.  
"I dunno. We wanted to tackle you Edward!" We said innocently.  
"Right" He said. "Now get off me"  
Then suddenly!  
ALICE BURST THROUGH THE DOORS!  
No just kidding!  
"Haha" Edward said.  
"What?"  
"Your stupid thoughts are out of hand again"  
"My thoughts are not stupid!"  
"Right..."  
"Your stupid!" I said.  
"Am not!"  
"Are too!"  
"D2!" Screamed Bella.  
"What?" Edward asked.  
"Koda said 'R2' so I said 'D2' forming; R2D2!" she said proudly.  
"Wow" Edward said.  
"Hey, you married her" I said.  
"Good point! Now get off me!"


	16. Captain Obvious

**Haha :)**

Koda-I kinda don't wanna rescue Alice.  
Bella-Yeah I know BatMan! I mean if we rescue her she'll totally never stfu.  
Edward-I agree.  
Koda-Mhm. I say we don't rescue her.  
Edward-Best part is, she cant get on AIM because electronics don't work at Hogwarts!  
Koda-When'd you figure that one out captain obvious?  
Bella-Yeah Really, EVERYONE knows that.  
Koda-And stop muttering under you breath. I can hear you, you know!  
Edward-Right...  
Bella-I say we watch tv!  
Koda-I agree!  
Bella-TO THE LIVING ROOM!  
Koda-OF DOOM!  
Edward-Right...  
Koda-Come on Captain Obvious! QUICK!  
Edward-Right...  
-Edward signs off-  
Koda-I'ma do some tinkering... :) Be there in a flash!  
Bella-Kay!  
-BatMan signs off-  
-Robin signs on-  
-Edward signs on-  
Edward-Oh he'll never know I did this :)  
-CaptainObvious signs off-

--Living room, Bella pov.  
"Hey BatMan! Whatcha do?" I asked.  
"Some tinkering." BatMan grinned at me.  
"Note time?" I asked.  
"Fo heezy!" She said, grabbing two pens and a paper.  
"What are you two up to now?" Edward asked.  
"Evil... mischeif... chaos... world domination. The usual" BatMan said, laying on the floor away from Edward so he couldn't see our paper convo.  
I got on my stomache and took a pen from BatMan.

--Edward's POV  
What are those two up to? Seriously! They're always doing something...  
_Ladedadeda! I'm a pretty princess! I like to skip around and sing and dance and-  
_Damn. Koda's blocking me! NO!! One more try...  
Why isn't this working?  
AW DAMN! COME ON! Bella's shielding her!

--Paper. **Koda _Bella  
So whats "tinkering"? Oh btw; I'm shielding youuuu.  
_Cool. :)  
_So what did you tinker with?  
_Eddie's aim! It now signs in as "CaptainObvious" and signs off that way too :)  
_hahah. Nice. And speaking of my shieldddd wonder where Jacob is. He usually comes and plots with us : (  
_Yeah, he does now doesn't he?  
_Mhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. :) Hes prolly of with Nessie.  
_Betcha he is. Prolly doing you-know-what. I mean; it's been like 10 years. Shes been old enough.  
_I know. lol! Havn't seen him since we came to Tokyo thoughhh :)  
_Fo heezy! He prolly got a hotel with Nessie ;)  
_Havn't seen her either...  
_Your phones ringing.  
_Ha speaking of Nessie..._**

"Hello?"  
"Hey Mom!" Nessie said.  
"Where are you and Jacob?"  
"Wellllll we're..." she paused then Jacob yelled in the background, "A HOTEL! WOO BABY!"  
I laughed, "Well we need you twooo. BatMan and I are plotting! Plus we havn't seen you two since like we came here... And we built an awesome fort!"  
"Cool. We'll be over soon" And Nessie hung up.

**Anywhooo  
_Yeah they're cominggg!  
_WOO! PLOT BUDDIES!**

**Ok. Sooo I added in Jacob and Nessie. :) I think they should be in the plotting parts. Just pretend that they were mentioned earlier just they havn't been around yet :)  
Haha. Next chapter is gonna be awesome.  
You'll see what I mean. :)**

**Review?**


	17. Taking over Fort Alice

**:) I've been busy.**

**Koda _Bella _**_Nessie _Jacob

**Now that our plot buddies are here!  
_We must plot to keep Alice out of this place!  
_**_Isn't this fort ALICE though?_  
**_Yeah... WAS! Now it's fort EVIL!!  
_MUAHAHHAHA  
**I always knew you were evil Bella  
**_:) Duh.  
_Welcome to crazy town! How the frick can we rob you?  
_Fo sho.  
_**_Soo we have to plot to keep alice out of... Fort EVIL?  
_**_Mhmm.  
_**I think that we should find Alice's weakness and put it around the fort...  
_And then we shall burn her clothes!!  
**:) Yes my evil minions! PLOT!! PLOTT!!  
**_**Lols. Omg Bella I think Jacob's right.  
**Duh I'm right  
**I think we should leave a trail of like clothes or something leading around the world. :)  
_That'd be hilarious  
_**_She is in love with clothes.  
_Orrrrr we could make an ANTI-ALICE fence.  
**_o0o0o I like that plan!  
_Me too. She'll be like "Lemme innnn"  
_And we'll be like "Nah"  
_**_:) Then we can laugh at her!  
_We should get Edward out too.  
**:D I like THAT plan. Get Eddie out too and keep Alice at bay.  
****_THEN WE'LL BE UNSTOPABLE!  
_Fort Evil!  
**_:) They won't know what hit them  
_Yeah!  
**_I think we should make a cannon  
_**Why?  
**Because! When Alice gets near, we can load it with clothes and fire it out a window and she'll run away for them, DUH  
_Seriously Jacob if you're gonna be one of US you have to get with the program.  
_**_Yeah really. Even I knew that was the plan.  
_No you didn't Nessie.  
_Did too  
_Did not  
_Did too  
_DID NOT  
_DID TOO  
_DID NOT!  
_DID TOO!  
_**GIVE ME THE FRICKIN PAPER!  
****_:) Anyways! So we make an ANTI-Alice fence, turn this place to Fort Evil, build an Alice Clothes Cannon 5000 and then kick Eddie out?  
_Hells no! First, we kick Eddie out, then we turn this place to Fort Evil, then we build an ANTI-Alice fence, then an Alice Clothes Cannon 5000 and then WE PLOT!  
****_How do we keep Eddie out?  
_OH! Make a robot you! And then let it run around the streets and he'll follow you :) Well Robot Bella  
**_Oh that's brilliant :)  
_Totally  
**And neither will know what hit them!  
_LET'S GET TO WORK!  
_**Um...  
**What?  
**Can we finish... You know...  
**Oh dear god.  
_NO! We must put this plan to action first!  
_**Aww : (  
_To bad.  
_Glares  
_Oh I'm shaking :P  
_**SHUT UP! Let's go!  
****_Ok so Jacob you build the Alice Cannon 5000, I'll build the robot me, Koda get Edward out, Nessie build the ANTI-Alice fence.  
_LET'S GO ROBIN!  
_QUICK BATMAN!  
_**Fire the missles?  
_AND AWAY!_

**:) So there you have it. The evil plot.**


	18. Fort EVIL

**Sorry I'm busy with school and all that. So I won't be updating as often. I'm really sorry. :) But heres what I've got while I've got it!**

**Koda _Bella _**_Nessie _Jacob

**_Ok so I've set the robot on the streets! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!  
_That's nice. Is he chasing it?  
****_Duh.  
_Oh ok because I was busy yelling at Jacob while I was supposta kick Eddie poo out :)  
****_Ohh nice. About what?  
_He peed in the litterbox!  
****_Again!?  
_Ch'yeah.  
****_Oh that idiot!  
_I know.  
**_Ok the fence is up!  
__**HEY YOU! GET YOUR PEN OFF MY PAPER! STAND FAST AND FIGHT ME YOUR SCURVY DOG!  
**Can it.  
**NEVER! GET YOUR PEN OFF MY PAPER! I WILL BITE YOU!  
**_**Shut up Bella it's Nessie.  
_OR SO WE THINK!  
_**_It's me.  
__**Oh! ok :)  
**Anyways... The fence is up.  
**MUAHAHAHA!  
**_**I took down the 'flag' for Fort Alice.  
****_Hey I just noticed, wasn't Jasper in the fort?  
_He vanished.  
****_Just like my new shoes!  
_He probably took them and ran :)  
**_Lol!  
_**Yeah were did Jasper go?  
_Idk. Anyways! Forget him! He has left us!  
_**Hey hey! I built the cannon thingy. :) It works!  
**Well theres a shock. AND YOU'RE CLEANING THE LITTERBOX!  
**FOR THE TENTH TIME! I DID NOT PEE IN IT!  
**YES YOU DID!  
**YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE CATS!  
**YES WE DO! JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE INVISIBLE...  
_You two shut up. :) Jacob clean the litter box.  
_**Fine.  
_:) Let's go make sure everything works.  
**Yeah! I AGREE!  
**_**TO THE... Well were are we going?  
_To do something we've never done before!  
_**_Something dangerous!  
_Like explosives!  
**Something so stupid it must be; Let Emmett in.  
_OH YEAH!! :) We gotta get him on our side!  
_**Isn't he afraid of cardboard?  
**We'll just paint it and say it's not cardboard.  
_He'll believe it.  
_**Ok...  
**LET'S DROP!  
****_TO THE OUTSIDE FORT EVIL!  
_That made no sense  
****_Yes it did!  
_No it didn't  
****_Yes it did!  
_No IT DID NOT!  
_YES IT DID!  
_**_CAN IT DUMBY'S! We have to get Emmie  
_**Oh yeah! LET'S GO!**

--Outside Fort EVIL! Koda pov.  
"Why is there a fence?" Emmett asked me as I came out.  
"To keep Alice out of course!" We all said.  
"Oh! Evil plots?"  
"Oh yeah!" I said.  
Bella grinned at Jacob and Nessie.  
"We need you on our side. Come to us Emmett! Join Fort EVIL!" I said.  
"But its cardboard!" He shrank down in the shadows.  
"Not it... YOU BELIEVE!" Bella and Nessie said to him at the same time.  
Emmett stood up.  
"Well... I could join... But I'm not sure..." He said.  
"Will you join us? Or no?" Bella asked.  
Emmett thought for a minute, "I have made my decision! I will..."

**To be continued! :) yes I know, I'm evil**


	19. Kicked OUT

**Soo yeah sorry for not updating. I'm just uber busy (:**

"I will join you in your quest for evil!" Emmett said.  
"And the quest for Ecuador!" Bella added.  
"Yeah and that!" Emmett agree.  
"NOW GET INSIDE!" Nessie yelled, she kicked Emmett inside.  
"TO THE PAPER!" Jacob yelled.  
I snapped my fingers in a Z formation, "Oh no you didn't just say 'To the paper'. That is SO my thing. Girllllll."  
Jacob shrugged.  
"CLEAN THE LITTER BOX ALREADY JACOB! IT SMELLS!" Bella screamed.  
"NO FRIGGING WAY! DO IT YOURSELF!" Jacob yelled back.  
"Do you want a Scooby snack?" She asked.  
"Hell yeah I want a Scooby snack!"  
"Then clean the litter box mutt!"  
"FINE! But I'd better get the snack!"  
"Right, right."  
"I mean it!"  
"I know, I know!"  
"I'm not kidding!"  
"I know."  
"You'd better give me it"  
"I will, I will."  
"Right."  
"Whatever."  
"All right, now that that's been settled, TO THE LITTER BOX! And then some..." Jacob took off.  
"Psh, suckerr," Bella said.

**Bella _Koda _**_Nessie _Jacob Emmett

I feel special (:  
**_We only let you in because you have a fat head.  
_**What!?  
**Oh hey he does!  
**_Yeah I never noticed Emmett had a fat head.  
_Fat head no brain (:  
I do not have a fat head!  
**_You keep thinking that buddy.  
_Yeah you keep thinking that  
**Nessie do I have a fat head?  
_Psh no way...  
_Stop lying.  
_Yes. Yes you do have a fat head.  
_I blame the government!  
**_Oh jeez, what'd they do to ever deserve your attention?  
_Yeah seriously.  
**Um idk. I kinda ran for president...  
**_Ohh yeah!! But you lost. Cause no one loves you (:  
_**Some people love me....  
Name five!  
Um... Me... Myself... I... The reflection in the mirror... The one who sleeps in my bed who's not Rosalie... Um... I think thats five...  
**Whoa whoa whoa! Someone else sleeps in your bed who's NOT Rosalie!?  
**Yeah!  
**Ohh I'm SO telling her!  
**What?  
**You're cheating on her! :D  
**_I think he was talking about himself...  
_**Oh... Well in THAT case...  
**_Just shut up.  
_**Meh!!!  
**_**So anyways what was the point of letting Emmett in here?  
**_Yeah wasn't there a point to us letting him in here?  
**_No one asked you Jacob!  
_**You just basically asked everyone.  
**_I was making a statement.  
_**Liar!  
**_Right, right. Well I say we kick Jacob out and then use Emmett in place of him! All in favor write I!  
_**I!  
**I  
_I  
_**Pft yeah well Nessie still wants me here!  
_...I!!!  
**It's official! Court adjured!  
**_You don't even know what that means!  
**_Good point! KICK HIM OUT!!!  
_TALLY HO!!!**

And Jacob was kicked out of fort EVIL and never heard from again... JUST KIDDING. But he was kicked out. But what happens now!? Will he team up with Edward and Alice and the Evil Bella robot that no one knows is evil yet but I totally just gave away!? WHO KNOWS!! Tune in next time to find out if 1)Jacob ever gets his scooby snack! 2)If Jacob teams up with Edward and Co. 3)If Jacob gets back into fort EVIL and 4) If the author ever shuts up and gets straight to the point!!!


	20. EVIL Army and Team Not So EVIL

**So I have a nice long two week break coming up (: If I'm not totally busy I will update. I'd update this weekend, but I'm going to a Taking Back Sunday concert. (HELL YEAH!!) lol. (: So heres what I've got.**

Koda's pov.

"He's gone! HUZZAH!" I shouted, throwing my fist up into the air.  
Bella and I started to dance.  
"Hes gone, hes gone!!" We sang.  
Nessie was looking out the window with binoculars.  
I went behind her, "Do you see anything Captain Private General Sargent Sir!?" I asked.  
She looked at me seriously, "No! Just a brick wall! But who knows what the enemies are planning!"  
"I don't know! Return to your post!" I ordered.  
"Yes Ma'am!" She went back to looking out the binoculars.  
"All seems to be in order Mr. Dr. Professor Koda!" Bella said, looking out the front door.  
I gave her a high five.  
"Hey we should make a commercial and ask people to join our army!" Bella said.  
"We should! And we shall! But the video recorder is... upstairs!" I said.  
Bella nodded, "Sounds risky! I'll go! If I'm not back in two minutes... tell my mother... tell her... tell her that her haircut was AWFUL!"  
"Alright!" I said.  
She ran out the door.

Chapter Who Knows What; Koda's Army!? (Who would've guessed she was so evil)

**_Koda _Bella **_Nessie_

**_Ok! So now we must make our video! And then show the world! MUAHHAHA!  
_Yeah! I have the camera! (:  
_Good, good! It's all going according to plan!  
_**_There's a PLAN behind all this?  
__**Duh. I only LOOK stupid. (:  
**Haha, better think again. Oh wait, don't hurt yourself!  
__**. Have you spotted anything?  
**Yes! There appears to be a stain on the wall....  
_**_Oh my!!  
_Ok! So are we gonna make the comercail?  
_Heck yeah!_**

Four hours later...

Koda's pov

"Let's watch it!" I said. I divided onto the couch, Nessie put the video in.  
And sat on the floor while Bella sat on the couch with me.  
The commercial started.  
It showed Bella sitting in a white room, in a chair. Staring at the camera.  
"Join our army!!!" She said from the clip.  
Then it flashed our faces.  
And went on to me, I was singing in my part, "Join us, join us. We need people in our armyyy. Cause we suckkkk with only three peopleeee!"  
Then Nessie, "Join us! MUAHAHA. If you like piggyback rides you will join us!"  
Then in real big words it said "Join Fort EVIL and it's EVIL Army!!!"

Then ended.  
"That... was AMAZING...ly retarded" I said.  
"Let's brodcast it!" Bella and Nessie said together.  
"HELL YEAH!" I shouted, jumping up.

* * *

Emmett's pov

"Ok team Not so EVIL!" I said, looking at Edward, Jasper, EVIL Bella robot, and Jacob seated in front of me. "We have to bring down Fort EVIL! And it sounds like they're making an EVIL army! We must CRUSH them!"  
Jasper shrugged, "Ok..."  
Jacob jumped up, "HELL YEAH! THEY KICKED ME OUT! THEY'RE GOIN DOWN!!"  
EVIL Bella Robot got up, "Hell. Yes. They. Are. Going. Down."  
Edward shrugged too, "Let's Bloo this!" He said.  
Bloo looked at him, "Oh no, oh NO. That is SO not your line." He got up and left the room.  
Edward stood up and yelled after him, "IT WAS A PUN!"  
He sat down and crossed his arms, "Kill joy." He muttered.  
"OK LETS GO!!" I said. I took off to my bathroom and jumped into the tub.  
Edward sat on the toilet, Jasper sat in the sink, and EVIL Bella Robot hid behind the door.

Three hours later.

"So what exactly are we waiting for?" Jasper finally asked.  
"I HONESTLY don't know!" I said from the bottom of the tub.

So what will become of Team Not So EVIL!? Will they stay in the bathroom for ever!? Or go off and fight Team EVIL!?  
And what about Team EVIL!? Will they get an EVIL army?! Or just a bathroom surprise!?  
WHO KNOWS!?!?!??!!

**I'm so lame (:  
Review please!**


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